Sanguivoriphobia
by Happii Haden
Summary: Deidara was never one to scare easily. Since he was a little tot, he had always been brave. Deidara didn't once feel an ounce of fear throughout his life. So, why was it that he was now hiding behind a couch, cross and holy water in hand?


We recently got new neighbors again. Send them imaginary letters of gratitude for inspiring this.

Genre: Supernatural/Humor

Rated: K+

Word Count: 3743

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

* * *

Deidara was never one to scare easily. Since he was a little tot, he had always been brave. He took risks that no other kids dared to. From balancing on top of the monkey bars to skydiving at nearly 15,000 feet, Deidara didn't once feel an ounce of fear throughout his life. So, why was it that he was now hiding behind a couch, cross and holy water in hand? A clicking of the door nearly made his skin jump right off his body. He could barely make out the footsteps and light breathing, but he could hear it just enough to feel his blood run cold. Would this really be the end of him?

Perhaps, it'd be best to recall the situation that the blond had landed himself in from the very beginning.

It had begun on a warm summer morning. Deidara was out walking his dog. He had walked his pup around the block maybe about three or four times before deciding to head back. It only took from the time he left and got back for somebody he had never seen before to move in. As he was walking to his yard, his eyes caught onto the stranger, fumbling with his keys. Deidara immediately thought the guy was crazy and for a second even believed he might've been trying to break into the place. However, most robbers didn't earn a set of keys.

The stranger wore all black, not a single inch of his skin revealed. The only flesh he could see was small bits of his face that wasn't covered by the tall collar, ball cap, and sunglasses. The guy even wore black leather gloves to cover his pale hands. The only thing Deidara could tell from the quick look at the guy was that he might have red hair and very pale skin.

Before the blond could analyze the man any further, he succeeded in opening the door and disappeared. The door slammed with haste and didn't leave any room for Deidara to think more of it.

He was curious though. Luckily for Deidara, he had the day off work and school. As he carried on with his daily life, he watched his neighbor's house frequently. He wondered when a moving van, or hell - any car at all, would come and drop off the guy's furniture and stuff. He watched all day, yet no one ever stopped by the house and the guy never emerged from his abode.

This behavior continued on for a whole week and it wasn't until the night before trash day that the blond finally saw his new neighbor.

The man was no longer dressed like he was going to a funeral. Deidara could make out his entire appearance. The stranger had short, messy red hair and porcelain skin. Not a single flaw to be seen. Deidara had to peer through his window, leaning in closer - face pressed harshly against the glass, to get a better look. The man was dressed in what seemed to be sleepwear and was just simply taking out his trash. It was when the man looked over toward him through his window that the blond felt a sense of anxiety rush over him. It was a weird sensation to feel frightened. It could've been a coincidence really, but the fact that the man was blatantly staring directly at him with _glowing_ golden orbs was anything but normal. Deidara felt his breath hitch and stood still in shock.

The man simply blinked before he turned sharply on his heels and took shelter in his home.

It was only when his neighbor was out of sight that Deidara could breath again. The blond was positive that no one's eyes could shine so brightly like that without the use of colored contacts or photoshop. Deidara shook his head, what was wrong with him? Deidara never got scared. He was a daredevil! A high risk-taker! He was Deidara the fearless!

Or so he thought at one time.

It didn't take long for Deidara to notice his neighbor's quirky habits. He tried to brush them off the best he could with rationality. His neighbor took his trash out at night, because he was busy during the day. His neighbor didn't drive a car, because he carpooled. His neighbor rarely left the house, because he worked from his home. His neighbor only left at night, because he got sunburned really easily. His neighbor did all these things, because he was a complete whack job.

That's what Deidara told himself, until his friends came over for a grill out one afternoon. It was surprising to the blond when he spotted his neighbor leave his house during the day. Just like when he had first saw him, the man was adorned in all black and looked like a total creep. His friends happened to notice the strange man. Because of his bizarre neighbor's debut, the blond had to detail every instance from the man moving in next to him up until currently. It was after his long spiel that one of his friends, who definitely had too much to drink, spoke up and announced his own theory.

"Dude, what if… Like, what if he's a vampire or something?"

While everyone laughed, the blond froze. His body felt chilled despite the warm air making his body sweat. It had never occurred to the blond that his neighbor could be anything but human. Deidara huffed in annoyance. No, there was no way it could be possible. Vampires didn't exist after all. They were a fairy tale, made up to scare children into behaving.

"That's stupid," Deidara countered.

His friend laughed and shook his head, along with his beer, "No! Seriously! We can prove it!"

Deidara crossed his arms, "How?"

The drunk grinned and stood up. He climbed the stairs to Deidara's patio, before inviting himself into the blond's home.

Deidara could hear stuff in the kitchen being tossed and moved all around. He frowned at the thought of his kitchen being torn apart.

Soon enough, his friend stumbled out of the house with a thing of garlic.

The blond could only rub his face in annoyance and embarrassment as his other friends laughed.

"Watch this shit," his friend chuckled.

Deidara gasped and tried to stop his friend from leaving his yard, but the other male wouldn't have it. Instead, he pranced up to the redhead's front door and covered the door and surrounding area with the, now wasted, crushed herb.

When his friend came back, the blond scowled and whacked him upside his head. He scolded the male on wasting his groceries, but the other man could care less. He retaliated by telling the blond to wait until his neighbor got home and see how he'd react to the garlic. If he was indeed a real vampire, he'd be repulsed by the herb instantly and would possibly even catch fire.

Deidara highly doubted the fire part, but did as his friend suggested. Later that night, or rather early that morning, his redheaded neighbor came home. The blond watched through his blinds furiously.

The man climbed his porch as usual. Deidara immediately felt stupid. There was no way his neighbor was some made up creature.

His mind changed and his thoughts reeled back as he continued to spy on the redhead.

Instead of opening the door or even approaching it, the man stopped dead in his tracks and stared intensely at the ground. He had his sunglasses off and collar down, so Deidara could see his troubled expression. The man seemed to contemplate his predicament. Then he turned around and walked off his porch. He traveled through part of Deidara's yard to enter his house from the backdoor.

The blond swore his heart almost stopped. He had wanted to call his friend, but knew that'd only fuel the fire that was called fear.

It wasn't until the near sunrise that Deidara really started to believe in his friend's words. It was still very early in the morning when someone knocked on his door. Sadly, Deidara hadn't got much sleep. Stumbling through his dark house, the blond made it to his door where he found the casually dressed redhead.

"Hello," he greeted in a thick accent.

It was definitely European. Deidara swallowed harshly and tried to find his voice. "H-Hey…" He croaked.

"Forgive me for intruding so early," the man started. "I wasn't sure whom to ask for help from, but you're the closest to me. Would you mind doing me a favor? It isn't much, I promise."

Deidara nodded hesitantly.

"Do you have a broom? There seems to be a bunch of debris on my porch and it is very troublesome… to say the least. Better yet, would you mind sweeping it for me?" the man asked with a sigh. "I know it is a strange request. I'm highly allergic," he explained, "and I want to avoid getting it on me for obvious reasons."

The blond bit his bottom lip. The guy was allergic to garlic...

"I can repay you?"

Deidara shook his head quickly. "N-No, it's alright, yeah. I d-don't mind at all."

His neighbor smiled sweetly and the blond felt like he was being hypnotized by that alluring expression.

It scared the blond and it scared him even more that he was actually scared. Something needed to be done, so like any good investigator, Deidara took up the Internet to find out about vampires. Sure, he had seen movies, but the blond knew those were all fake. He had to be prepared in case something happened to him or even one of his other neighbors.

Hours of research turned into days of research. The blond couldn't rest until he knew every weakness and historical fact about the redhead's species.

While most websites told him he needed to slay the bloodsucker, Deidara knew he could never do such a thing. Even if it wasn't human. The redhead was still a living and breathing creature- sorta. Consulting forum after forum, the blond finally got some advice on how to get rid of the vampire without murder. A user by the name of _YourFatherThePriest_ suggested using various methods to get the vampire to evacuate his new chambers.

It was because of this that Deidara gathered his vamp-b-gone equipment from Amazon's finest offers. He waited for the night to come, knowing his neighbor's schedule perfectly. When the man had finally left around ten pm, Deidara broke into the vampire's lair.

A sense of dread filled him as he entered the dark home. He didn't dare flip a light on and instead used his flashlight to look around. To his surprise, the place was well furnished despite him not ever seeing one moving van. Although it seemed the redhead never used his furniture much, the place was kept tidy. Not a spec of dust to be seen.

Deidara raided the man's kitchen first. He had several full pieces of garlic stashed in his pants and no matter how bad it'd make him smell for the next few days, he knew it was worth it. Garlic was intricately placed throughout the kitchen. Deidara had expected to find blood bags in the fridge, but was disappointed when he only found leftover take-out.

Ignoring the redhead's obviously fake eating habits, Deidara carried on throughout the house. He found the redhead's bedroom and wasn't surprised when he spotted a coffin. Everything was coming together. He pulled out a small wooden cross from his pocket and laid it within the redhead's bed.

The last thing he had to do was douse the house in holy water. He had only managed the redhead's room and kitchen when he heard the sound of keys jangling against the door. The vampire was back so soon!? Deidara knew he could never outrun or fight the vampire off, so he had no other choice but to hide.

Jumping behind the couch, Deidara clutched his rosary and holy water in an effort to protect himself.

A clicking of the door nearly made his skin jump right off his body. He could barely make out the footsteps and light breathing, but he could hear it just enough to feel his blood run cold. Would this really be the end of him?

"Ugh," the vampire choked out, "what a horrendous odor. I was sure I already took the trash out…"

Deidara held his breath as he listened to the redhead muttered to himself. His voice seemed to trail further away as he walked toward his kitchen. At the sound of a hiss, the blond knew he had triggered the vampire's sense.

"Fuck," the male growled.

The blond shivered at the deep voice.

"I've been here not even a whole month and someone is trying to kill me!" the redhead complained. "I don't understand why this keeps happening."

The man - vampire - was obviously stressed. "What am I doing wrong?" he sighed.

Deidara almost felt bad. If only the guy wasn't a blood thirsty demon - he was a very attractive male and the blond was positive that if he hadn't acted like such an oddball, he would've hit on him by now.

The blond had to bite back a groan as he felt a cramp in his leg. Moving carefully, he tried to ease the ache. This simple movement cost him his life. From beneath him, the floorboards creaked under his weight - alerting anyone in close proximity. Unfortunately for him, this happened to be a vampire.

The vampire grew quiet.

All Deidara could do now was pray and hold onto his cross for dear life. He closed his eyes tight and tensed his body, preparing for the worst.

Several minutes passed and when nothing happened, Deidara slowly opened his eyes. The sight before him made him gasp and stumble back.

The redhead was staring at him with a light scowl. "What're you doing in my house?"

Deidara fumbled over his words and held out his rosary, words finally pouring from his lips. "St-Stay back, d-demon!" He even went as far as to spray the holy water in the vampire's face. His eyes scrunched closed again. Of all the "terrifying" things he had done in his life, none could compare to how he felt right now.

It wasn't until he heard a small chuckle that he cracked open an eye. The chuckle started out small before it turned into a full on fit of laughter.

"Did you just call me a demon?" the creature laughed, now holding his sides.

Deidara bit back his surprise. "Y-Yes! Demon? Vampire? Monster? Does it matter what I call you, yeah?"

The redhead ran his fingers through his red locks. "Are you honestly suggesting what I think you are?" The man extended a hand, "I think we should talk."

The blond frowned. It wasn't a suggestion - it was more of a demand. He was hesitate to take the hand.

"What? Still scared of me? You already sprayed me with that silly mixture of salt and water, and yet my face remains unmelted. Please," his neighbor smirked.

Deidara huffed and reached a shaky hand out. He was quickly yanked from behind the couch and into the guy's chest. "H-Hey!" the blond cried out in a fit, pushing against the man's torso. He got out of the hold and ended up falling onto the cushions of the couch. "If you're g-gonna suck my bl-blood then at least kill me first!"

The redhead rolled his eyes and sat down calmly beside the blond. "I guess I only have myself to blame for never properly introducing myself to you. My name is Sasori, and you?"

The blond pressed his lips firmly together before muttering out his name in a quick breath. "Deidara, yeah."

The vampire… er Sasori gave a small nod. "Alright, Deidara, I have to ask. What made you believe that I'm some kind of demonic monster? A vampire of all things?"

Deidara swallowed, "You… you never leave your house during the day unless you're fully covered in heat stroke inducing clothes."

The redhead nodded again, "I have very sensitive skin, you see. There is other methods of protecting my skin, such as sunblock, but growing up in the desert allowed me to become accustomed to wearing the clothes I do."

It was convinced enough, but…

"What about the garlic, yeah?"

"I told you before," Sasori stated. "I'm highly allergic. It's a bitch, really. Do you know how many foods are made with garlic or garlic based products?" The man pointed to a cabinet, "If you check that cabinet over there, you'll find an epipen."

Deidara did as the redhead suggested and checked out the cabinet. Inside was the medication Sasori had mentioned.

"How come I never saw any moving vans or cars? I don't ever see you drive either, yeah," the blond accused.

The redhead raised an eyebrow. "I moved my furniture before I moved in myself. You must've been too preoccupied to notice." The male ran his hands through his hair again, "As for the car situation… I currently take the bus. My car happened to break down just after moving my stuff here. Quite the luck I have, right?"

Deidara sat back on the couch. "B-But what about, uh… your eyes! The were glowing that one night!"

"I'm not quite sure what you're talking about."

The blond snapped up. He finally got the vampire cornered. "The first week you moved in, I spotted you taking your trash out one night. You looked at me and your eyes were glowing!"

Sasori frowned, "Haven't you seen my eyes glow ever since then? Seems to me that you're quite the spy."

"I, uh," the blond felt his words catch in his throat. "Ah… no… I haven't," he grumbled.

"Perhaps it was the trick of light then."

"Then… Then what of the coffin! You have a coffin in you're friggin bedroom!"

Sasori snorted at the accusation. "That wasn't my bedroom."

The blond narrowed his eyes, "If not yours, then whose, yeah?"

"Just my vampiric brother."

Deidara gasped.

The redhead chuckled, "Just kidding. I'm an only child." He only laughed more at the blond's glare. "I work as an artist on the side. My specialty is wood. The coffin was a commission from a family friend."

The blond pursed his lips, "That's quite morbid…"

"Everyone has to die eventually."

Deidara grumbled under his breath and tried to come up with more reasons as to why the redhead was indeed a vampire. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't pin anything more against the man. It wasn't fair! He was sure the guy was a vampire!

Then again, the notion was rather absurd.

The blond was just being a weirdo to his new neighbor. Hell he was practically going to kill the guy with garlic! Deidara frowned and twiddled with his fingers. "I'm sorry, yeah…"

The redhead placed a hand on the blond's knee and gave it a small squeeze. "It's fine really… "

Deidara blushed in embarrassment as he felt the very warm hand on his leg. From what he could recall, vampires weren't very warm creatures. He was really a fool and now his very attractive and not vampiric neighbor would never want to talk to him again.

"If you want, you could make it up to me."

The blond glanced up with wide eyes.

Sasori gave a small smile, "I'd really appreciate it if you could clean out all the garlic you scattered around my house."

Deidara nodded, "A-Ah, yeah! I can do that. Really, I'm sorry!"

For the rest of the morning, the blond helped his neighbor clean out the garlic in the man's home. He even went as far to go ahead and thoroughly clean the rest of the redhead's house just for the trouble he'd caused. It was after cleaning and a good breakfast that Deidara finally was able to leave without feeling like a total douche.

"Thanks for breakfast, yeah, and I'm seriously sorry about the whole misunderstanding…"

Sasori escorted his neighbor calmly and dismissed the apology. "I already told you, it's fine. You're fine, Deidara."

The blond tried to bite back a smile.

"We should talk later. Perhaps dinner?" Sasori asked.

Getting the redhead's number, Deidara left the man's house happily. Sasori watched the boy leave and slowly closed his door. Walking over to his counter, he picked up the holy water the blond had left. The redhead chuckled and picked it up carefully, examining it. "It's a good thing that you're so stupidly naive, Deidara."

Sasori pursed his lips and gripped the glass bottle in his palm, crushing it like it was a ball of paper.


End file.
